A Brony Rants
by Ender The Time Lady
Summary: Pretty self explanitory. It's about time someone knocked a bit of sense in to most of us. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

A Brony Rants

Rant 1: Wingboners

For the record, let me start by saying that Friendship Is Magic has one of the best fandoms on the planet. That being said, it simultaneously has one of the worst.

Somehow.

But that isn't the point, now is it.

Nope! This chapter is about a particularly annoying (and stupid) topic that keeps coming up.

Wingboners.

Stop giggling, you perverts.

Do you people even have the slightest grasp of basic biology? Nature? Evolution? LOGIC?!

Female ponies get "Wingboners" as well. And yes, I am sure that Fluttershy and Dashie are both girls. Boners, on humans, and basically every single mammal ever, can only happen to the penis. It is a basic reproductive ability, which is triggered when a person is aroused. Sexually aroused. Has MLP: FiM ever had anything sexual in it?

If you're nodding your head, you need to get some therapy, and fast. It's a show about magical talking ponies. For god's sake.

Anyways, there has never been an onscreen reason for the Pegasus to be aroused, at least not one that has been shown on screen.

Your clopfic doesn't count.

Nor does your grimdark containing brief mentions of rape.

YES _TWILIGHT'S EXPERIMENT_, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

So, wingboners are completely illogical. Remember Bridle Gossip? When Dashie was poisoned/pranked/cursed she couldn't stop flying and fold her wings. Does that mean that the poison joke gave her a constant boner?

Probably not.

Also, the creepy/epic muscle pony from Hurricane Fluttershy was not on steroids. He was like the jelly pony from Hearts and Hooves day: A creepy side character with little to no lines that made one hell of an impression anyways, causing the fans to obsess, or at least talk about him.

Back to my earlier point, biologically there isn't any point to anything in the world to get aroused and have it go to their wings. I mean really, does that mean that the Pegasus have to be constantly horny to fly?

I really doubt that's possible. Or practical.

Seriously, you can't shove a wing up a vagina and make babies. It. Doesn't. Work. Like. That.

A wing, is for flying and giving the creature with said set of wings, an advantage over other creatures.

A penis, is for reproduction, and the continuation of a species.

THEY HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!

Throughout both seasons it is firmly established that a Pegasus extending its wings while on the ground and talking to someone is basically the equivalent of waving your arms around while you're talking to emphasize a point. It's something they have full control over.

Long story short, stop getting all perverted with multicoloured flying ponies, and enjoy the show for its awesomeness.

Thank you, and goodnight.


	2. Chapter 2

A Brony Rants

Rant 2: Shipping Wars

So, I pissed off a ridiculous amount off people with the first chapter.

Muhahaha.

So let's switch to a topic that should create even more flamers!

Shippings.

You would not believe how many people are demanding for a lesbian romance amongst the mane six in the show. To them, I reply:

YOU'RE ALL FREAKING RETARDED!

The reason we love FiM is because it DOESN'T have any of the tween romance crap. This is PONIES, not bloodsucking pixies named Edward.

Yes, I just went there.

Deal.

For the record, I do know that not all of you are perverts. I am not saying that you all like the stuff I'm ranting about, I'm just saying that some of you do. Don't flip over the fact that you feel generalized.

If I'm talking to you, you'll know it. Trust me.

Anyways, please remember that it's a kids show. Despite the large adult male fanbase, MLP FiM will always be designed for young girls. We love it because it's something new. A show that's intelligent enough for mature audiences, yet doesn't revolve around who's banging who.

Besides, most FF writers don't show the slightest bit of originality.

Again, emphasis on MOST.

Here's the usual plot of a romance story. (No pun intended)

Mane 6 member/Side character/OC randomly realizes that he/she has feelings for another Mane 6 member/side character/OC. He/she confesses, and finds that the other pony/human/elf/dragon/griffon also had feelings for him/her. They then begin dating. If it's a slash couple, they eventually come out of the closet to the world. If it's a straight couple, then they skip that step. Then, to throw some semblance of plot in (still no pun intended), a third pony/human/elf/dragon/griffon confesses love to one of the pair. They either get rejected and start dating someone else, they get rejected and commit a revenge rape, or they have a threesome.

It kinda goes either way.

Then one of them get's pregnant, sparking a sequel to this crap.

And don't ask about the elf/dragon. I've seen it. It's bad.

If you've written a story with a plot (There isn't a pun, stop giggling) awfully similar to this, you should probably do some hardcore editing.

Now then, for the people petitioning too get something like this worked in to the show, STOP IT.

Believe it or not, Lauren Faust knows a hell of a lot more than you do about making the fans happy and writing good stuff. If you try to get it made in to your personal porn show, then you will get a hell of a lot of people laughing at you.

That being said, it's alright to try and write out your favourite pairing in a mushy romance story for the squealing masses to enjoy.

But try to follow one main rule.

Be. Original.

And for the love of god, don't make snide comments like "Don't like, don't read", or "I have a freedom to write what I want" or even "You're hating my lesbian pairing, you must be a homophobe"

You don't sound smart. You sound like a bitch. You look like a bitch. You probably are a bitch.

And if you're even considering putting one of the mane 6, or any other frequently mentioned character with your OC, you deserve a brick to the head.

Stat.

Anyone want to do the honours of throwing said brick?

Come on, it'll be fun!

And before I finish, a quick note to anyone who's planning on flagging this:

I'm not hurting you. I'm expressing my opinion in a blunt manner. I don't sugarcoat, and I don't mince words. I think that if you have something to say, you need to say it. Well, I have something to say, and I'm saying it.

It's not liking I'm running over puppies with a lawnmower or anything.

I'm just typing.

If this frightens/offends you, then it's probably in your best interests to close your browser, unplug your computer, and throw it in to Mt. Doom.


End file.
